Who Am I ?
"I think, therefore I am."--Rene Descartes
This is one of the many questions I ask myself all the time--"Who am I?"
As well as the other most fundamental philosophical questions--"Why am I here?"
"Where was I before I was here, in this life?" "What happens after this life is over?" "Is there a purpose?" "What is the meaning of life?" "Is there a higher being--a creator?" "If there is a creator, what is the creator's purpose for the Universe, for Life...for my Life?"
MY ANSWER? I don't have just one. And for most of the questions, I don't know the answers yet, but I know that I'm here for a reason. So much for being esoteric; here are some facts about me on the most basic level. In this life, I am Kathryn Ann Kienzle Bentley. I am married to Robert Bentley. I have two children--Sean, 19, and Laura, 17. I have a Bachelor of Arts degree in Art, a minor in Philosophy. I have taken Art Education and am certified to teach Kindergarten through 12th grade. I didn't become a teacher when I first got out of college because of "Life" and "Fate"(lack of job opportunities at the time and different types of jobs coming up after that)! Maybe I am supposed to "teach" in other ways? I have had more than a few adventures after getting my formal education and the present. Some were very strange and some mundane, but all have led me to the point where you find me today. I may be a weird person, but I still like me! (ha ha!)
But, of course, I wouldn't be who I am now if I hadn't gone through the experiences that brought me to this point, would I? A couple of goals of mine are someday to be a famous artist and author. I know already that I can do artwork fairly well; I just want to improve what talents I have (...and, of course, become "famous"). As for being an author, I started writing a book--my first! So with writing, I will be testing the water. I think I can do it too! I am still writing it though, only a little more inspiration and a hundred or so pages to go! (Ha Ha!) (I have written about 300 pages so far!) It is a "science fiction/fantasy", I guess, but doesn't totally fit in a category. For awhile I thought it might be easier to write and illustrate a children's book first?? (Hmmmm? Definitely not as long as a novel, but not as easy as I thought it would be either!) Anyway, I am still working on the Sci-Fi book. In the meantime, I am a freelance artist and am always looking for the perfect job, until I finish/sell my book, of course! (Ha ha!) For a few years I had been substitute teaching and applying to be an art teacher locally, but still haven't gotten a job doing that yet, usually because they need someone who can teach more than one subject. So, I've been considering painting portraits or opening an art studio/gallery!?? Proposing an art education television show? Getting a state job...Winning the lottery...Maybe just selling artwork...Hmmm??
Well, I haven't answered any of my earlier questions here except literally what I am doing which I suppose really isn't an answer. Sometimes I think that there is some truth in "reincarnation", the progression of souls/consciousness through many lifetimes (no, not coming back as an animal but as a human). Sometimes I think that we are part of a multi-verse, a many layered, interdimensional universe. Sometimes I think that all there is, is "nothingness"--that we are born and we will die and that is it. I think that I have a mix of all the varieties of religious study and philosophical ponderings that I have be exposed to throughout my life, jumbled together with some scientific theories, and spurted out into my own ideology. I don't believe in heaven and hell, but I do think that there is some kind of "afterlife", at least "consciousness". I like to think that we are here for a "reason", but I don't really know what it is? Most of the time, I think we "exist"/we are "here" for a reason, probably to "learn"--to progress in this life as much as we can and to "enjoy" the journey. I think there is a higher consciousness beyond our own, and I call that "God". I think there is a "purpose" for Life beyond just being alive, probably to raise the consciousness of humanity to a higher level. As far as the rest of the questions go, I still haven't figured out all of the answers although I do have a few theories. I'll let you know if and when I do find the answers though and hopefully I'll be able to articulate my thoughts well enough so that someone else can understand what I am trying to say! I've heard that it is cliche to ask "Why" questions, but maybe I am simplistic in that way because I really do wonder what is going on and I do want to "know" if it is possible to "know"! It is hard to imagine how to live every day and "never" think about it. I just hope that if and when I reach this enlightenment presuming I do someday, I don't instantly die! Ha ha! Well for now, I am still trying to figure it out...and I am still kicking!
"You never know where experience leads you..."--(...a quote from a Zen lesson I read somewhere!)
Most of my time is spent doing my favorite thing, which is taking care of my two kids: Sean, and Laura; many pets (six "inside" cats, one "inside" dog, and two "outside" dogs); and, of course, spending a lot of my time with my husband, Robert!
"Whether you think you can or you think you can't! You are right!"--Henry Ford
As I said before I fantasize about being a famous author as well as a renowned artist! When not really dreaming or daydreaming, I like to draw and paint when I take advantage of the opportunity. I guess my "drug" of choice is television; I do seem to have an addiction to TV and videos though which keeps me from doing some things I ought to do! Computers, too, come to think of it! ;-)
"Eat right, exercise, die anyway!"--from a very fatalistic bumpersticker ;-)
"If at first you don't succeed, blame it on someone else, then get counseling!"--another joking bumpersticker ;-p
When it comes down to it probably more than anything else, I just like to think about things, try to figure out why I am here and what is going on, and to talk about what I think about with a kindred spirit or two...
"I am always in the hope of
Making a discovery by
Wedding two complementary colors,
Their mingling and opposition
The mysterious vibration of
Kindred spirits."--Vincent Van Gogh
Ugly, but I like their song! One of my favorites! Funny!
M. C. ESCHER
He was one of the best artists ever in my opinion! I wish
I could draw as well as he could with so many intricacies!
Fantasy Art Gallery
Art of Jonathon Bowser
Art of Max Fellwalker
--An artist I met on the
Internet whom I think has a lot of talent!
Darcee's Dungeon--(no longer active)
Rogue's Gallery--RP characters (old), for me and family!
This webpage last updated on 5-16-2011. The site originated on 2-17-1997.
All rights reserved. 1997-2011.